He's NOT Real!

Yeah, I know there's no such thing as Santa. But that didn't stop me from writing to him in my time of need. Here's what I wrote:

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl.
It really wasn't my fault what happened at Becky's Christmas party. It was 'Liya who spiked the punch with too much Smirnoff. I can't help it if I drank 33 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like grapefruit.
I thought it was funny when I put Raj's scarf on my head and danced the tango on the bed while singing `Freak Nasty'. I didn't mean to break Tickneen's cell phone and don't know why Agnes would sue me for stealing.
I don't remember calling Dairn's wife a sexy elephant---even though she looked like one with pink eye shadow and purple lipstick!
And when I threw up on Micheala's husband's elbow, it was only because I ate too much of that day old pizza.
After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my FUxplorer through my neighbor's bedroom. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me an ugly penguin and have me arrested for murder! So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all tense and loud. And I'm really not to blame for any of this ugly stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!
Sincerely and desperately yours,

Abigail (Really a nice girl!)
P.S. It's only 67 bucks!

Talk about a bad day! Try making your own!

Ummm... I can't quite think of a question to match this post. Crap! Well, just write whatever you want to write. Or don't. I'll excuse you.